Just Fart

When I worked for the prison system, I learned a lot of things – Things you don’t normally have to think about, like ‘undue familiarity’ (inmates trying to learn more about you so that they can develop a relationship with you of some type, or vice versa), safety concerns, prison procedures, and that some correctional officers have themselves become institutionalized over time – just to name a few… When I worked there, I admit that I had issues with undue familiarity. I was EXTREMELY naive. I had just never been in an environment where my safety was at risk just by simply existing, let alone in being what I thought was cordial to someone. But what I thought was cordial-ness, was actually very dangerous. I wasn’t a dirty staff member; I was just too missionary-minded to work in a place like that. I had difficulty separating myself from that mindset. After some personal deliberation, and another factor involving sexual harassment by several officers which I won’t talk about in this post, I decided it was the right decision for me to leave that job. I have never regretted it. I’m just not cut out for that stuff. I recognized this and let myself out before I got my idiot butt killed by somebody. Lol Leave that job to the missionaries people: because as a staff member, it can become dangerous to you and others around you.

I remember one time, after I had been there about a year, the administrative department had a meeting.

In this meeting, one of my superiors was talking about undue familiarity, & point-blank called me out for it in the middle of the meeting, in front of my sergeant and everybody. It was really embarrassing.

Afterwards, my Sergeant said to me, “Man, she clobbered you in that meeting.”

Me: “Yeah. That really sucked. I know she’s right, but why not talk to me in private? Dang…”

… … …

Then, my Sergeant said something to me that I never forgot….

“Next time she does that, just fart.”

… … …

Me: “What?!”

“Just fart. That would have derailed her entire train of thought if you would have just ripped a huge fart right when she said that. You can really use a fart to get out of any situation.”

He’s right.

Forget about Hakuna Matata people. The new mantra is “Just Fart.”

Next time you are cornered and put in a bad situation – just fart. I guarantee the atmosphere will change immediately and the tension will dissipate. I dare you.

• In a petty fight with your husband? Say “you know what I think?” and then just fart and walk away…
• Your boss is threatening you with your job? Just fart and then start crying…
• Your kids are driving you crazy and won’t stop whining? Just fart and they will start laughing…
• Someone you love is dying? Just fart and release some of that built-up tension…

I mean, just check out this Idol contestant that straight up farted in front of the judges before she even started singing, and she made it! LOL