Funny Life Stories

I Almost Kissed My Cousin

I have a 2nd cousin named Chris.

This story happened years back, but it is a doosey. We still laugh about it because the awkwardness was so painful.

Chris & I have gone to the same church for a long time, & one night at a service, he happened to be sitting behind me on another pew. My dad (the pastor) called on an old man nearby to pray. While the man was praying, something happened that caught me & Chris’s attention at the same time. I can’t remember what it was exactly, but apparantley, both of us felt the need to crack a joke about it (& be totally disrespectful because you’d just have to know me & Chris lol).

He leaned up to tell me something…

But at the same time, I turned around to tell him the same thing…

Our heads almost collided in a massive headbutt when…


I felt the hair of his moustache on my upper lip.

We were that close.

He & I immediately backed up & started wheezing, in a pathetic attempt to stifle our horrified laughter.


During prayer.

We were wheezing.

Begging for death to take us. I was clawing at my chest for air I was laughing so hard.

The more the poor old man kept praying more deeply, crying out to God his requests for healing & the salvation of the lost – the MORE obnoxious we became.

Chris’s face turned purple.

I had tears streaming down my face. Mascara running like I was in a Marilyn Manson music video.

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t think.

I couldn’t think about God or anything else in that moment because ME & MY COUSIN HAD ALMOST KISSED.

This is Chris. LOL

That moment in time caused us to have a total existential crisis right there in the middle of church that evening.

It was like it was shocking, embarassing, horrifying, & hilarious at the same time & you didnt know what the proper feeling was at the moment.

We are cousins.

We close.

But not that close. LOL