Funny Life Stories

Raiders of the Lost Appendix

My great-grandfather died in 1977 following complications from a stroke. His name was Webb, & everyone tells me that he & I would’ve been like two peas in a pod, because our sense of humor is very similar. I wasn’t born until 10 years later, so he & I never met.

I’m not sure when, but at some point he had an appendectomy performed. In those days, they would let you take home your appendix in a jar, & that’s what he did – he took his home. My grandma & my 3 great uncles all claimed to have seen it in the jar, & said the story was true that he kept it at home.

Legend has it that Webb’s appendix is still out there – hidden in the old homeplace.

After he died, my great grandma moved out of that house & had a trailer pulled next door to live in. My great aunt & uncle remained in the homeplace. Back in the 90’s, when my mom would clean grandma’s trailer in the summer, she would bring me with her.

My cousin Leanna would often be staying at her grandparents next door (in the homeplace) & we met up to play. Somehow, we heard this ‘legend’ from someone & we became obsessed. One day we tore that attic space apart looking for it. We treated it like it was the crown of thorns, or the seamless garment of Christ – our one chance to touch a connective piece to that time long ago, & to a person we’ve never seen in the flesh. It was as dramatic to us at the time as that sentence just was. Lol It was a matter of national security. Keep in mind we were between 9 & 11 years old. It was important.

Seeing our dead great grandfathers appendix half submerged in a bottle of formaldehyde would’ve been the greatest moment of our lives.

I remember one day upstairs in the house, we were daring eachother to search for this holy relic in the crawlspace. I remember feeling like I was going to pee on myself, because it was every bit as creepy looking as this photo:

More like, entrance to the NOPE-space

I opened the door & peered inside & all I could see was blackness & I felt a rush of super hot air. Neither of us ever did it. We were too chicken. Lol It’s a good thing though probably because that would’ve been really dangerous.

The appendix has never been located, & hasnt, as far as I know, been seen since Webb died & grandma moved out. I recall asking her about it once & she told me it was still in the house, but wouldn’t provide more detail.

And that my lovely readers, is the legend of the family appendix.

A relic from long ago, lost to time. It exists now only in our family’s folklore. Lol

It’s harder to find than both King Tut’s tomb & the wreck of the Titanic combined.

The mystery remains unsolved.