Lessons

3 Lessons from 3 Years of Marriage

I met my husband on my front porch.

I’m actually serious. Lol

You see, my dad used to be a taxidermist. We are just into dead stuff. I don’t know why. I don’t know when. But my family has just never had an issue with dead folks/animals… Anyway, my dad’s taxidermy business became so overrun with animals (namely whitetail deer), that he had no life anymore outside of it & decided to close it’s doors. Years later, he put his equipment up for sale on facebook.

A guy that didn’t live too far away responded to the ad because he was currently doing taxidermy. This is where Brian comes in. He shows up on my parent’s front porch. I was working at a maximum security prison, & times were really bad there (what do you expect lol), & I walked past him on the porch crying. Talk about awkward. No introduction was made between us whatsoever. He actually was wearing a hat & sunglasses so I didn’t even know what he looked like. I didn’t care. Lol I was upset & wasn’t interested in dating anyone.

As my dad took him out into his shop to look at the stuff, he heard an audible voice tell him that this guy would be the father of his grandchildren.

Please tell me the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman. I’ve asked him before, & he won’t tell me lol

All joking aside, he cannot explain that to this day. He doesn’t know if that was God, an angel, or if he was showing signs of schizophrenia… All he knew at the time was, “I’ve got to get this guy to meet my single daughter.” – One problem though: me & my mom had gotten in the car & left. My Dad just trusted that somehow we would meet without him having to intervene.

About a month later – I sent that guy a facebook friend request. Without any urging from my parents at all. That was 2014. We got engaged in 2015. We got married in 2016.

We don’t have kids yet, however, the prophesy has been foretold. Lol So I guess that will happen eventually. At least i’m holding on to that.

What’s weirder is that I actually performed funeral duties for his family when his grandpa died, AND I grew up playing in the river at the mill he now works at – so we probably had seen eachother our whole lives, & couldn’t have possibly known we would’ve married eachother. Weird.

Funny how life is.

Don’t lose hope single people! My husband walked on my front porch & I ignored him & it still worked out! Lol I had 5 failed relationships before Brian, with only one being serious, & that one ended in 2010. I don’t say that to brag at all – I say that for quite the opposite reason: to display my failure. 6th time was a charm though LOL

It is now 2019. We have been married for 3 years, & I’d like to share 3 things I’ve learned in that time…

Nobody told me that you would lose friends when you got married.

This may sound shocking to those of you who are single, but this was very true for me. Some get married & think that everyone in their life is going to be congratulating them…

Bless your heart.

One word: Jealousy.

I had friends I had for years just go their own way… Some of which turned away from me at the very beginning – when me & Brian were DATING. Some made comments to me like “Do you even know this guy?”, (I’m trying to get to know him – that’s why we’re dating?) “You are going too fast,” (which I thought was crazy because me & Brian never lived together whatsoever, never went on vacations alone, never slept together, etc.), & “Does he know about your last relationship?” (Something which was very hurtful for me to hear. Prior to Brian, I was involved with someone I should’ve never been involved with. Really bad situation. Really wrong situation)… But about a year into our marriage, It occurred to me that all the girls that said those things to me were single.

Case closed. Lol

I don’t think they meant it personally at the time, but I accepted their hurtful words as words that were sparked from jealousy & got over it. As the years rolled on, acceptance has caused some of those friends to not be so standoffish anymore as they once were. I remember what it was like to be single & be so disappointed inside when you saw someone else going through the thing you wanted for yourself so badly. It hurt. It made me feel awful. Knowing this, I forgave those people for their words. In all fairness, you may also lose friends because your life becomes so busy. Brian has 2 jobs, so we don’t see eachother as often as we’d like – as a result, quality time is important to us.

Common ground really matters

There are times that me & Brian wan’t to kill eachother. Like seriously kill.

How we feel inside a lot. Lol

& we probably would’ve already killed eachother were it not for us being able to agree on 1 common ground: We are equally yoked.

Now, what does this mean exactly? Brian & I have one thing in common ONLY (other than both being white people & being from NC lol) – & it’s that we are both Christians, & our beliefs about Christianity are the same. Hear me now – not all Christians are equally yoked. Please read that again. I know Christians that can go to the same church, & not have the same beliefs about politics, abortion, intimacy, money, alcohol, etc. What i’m trying to say is that our Christian beliefs influence everything we do in life in the same manner. My dad always said this: Do not date anyone you would not be willing to marry. That is really good advice. I took that advice to heart while Brian & I were dating. Over time, we learned that we feel the same about key issues because of our belief system. I could go into some of them, but most of these opinions are extremely unpopular. Lol

Brian & I really have hardly anything else in common at all. It is said that opposites attract. I guess they do. Lol These opposites would drive a wedge in our marriage were it not for us finding common ground somewhere – & for us, it is our religious beliefs & how that forms the scope from which we view life.

Choose to overlook the boots.

Brian leaves his boots in the floor. In the wrong place. Constantly. Lol

It drives me crazy.

Literally this crazy

No matter how many times I tell him to leave his dirty work boots by the door, he hardly ever does. He will carry them right past the front door, & even into the living room & put them on the rug there. He does a lot of things like this that drive me nuts, like making the basement look like a serial killer’s lair… and putting empty food boxes back in the kitchen & not the trashcan!!! LOL (Do all men do this?!)

Hear me now: Having the same argument every day won’t change a person. You didn’t marry a perfect person. You married a sinful person just like you! There is no such thing as a perfect person. Because of this, in order to keep from constantly being at odds, there are some times in life where you just need to let it go.

I know that is not a popular opinion. Lol But it is my opinion. I was raised a preachers daughter – I know things like this from a lifetime of watching what makes marriages crumble: This is one of them. Never letting things go.

I’m not saying let everything in life go. There are certain things one should not cave on – I’m just saying the petty arguments are not worth it. These little, stupid things are not worth the constant nagging for someone to change, or the frustration. There are things I do i’m sure that drive Brian crazy too.

I’m not a perfect wife by any means – but there are times I have had to choose to not start an argument just because I want things my way or to prove a point. Brian may think that I bring this stuff up a lot; but trust me – I’ve let things go more than he thinks. Lol

Let the boots go sometimes.